Saturday Night Live – Jennifer Lopez

Once again, we get a guest host who appears in nearly every skit, including both musical numbers. The only bit that made this episode memorable was the cold open. Other than that, even the Weekend Update was meh. Not awful, but not great.

Cold Open: We Are The World 3 — I really, really wanted to get the lyrics for this, but after 30 minutes of trying to figure out what the hell some of them were saying, I gave up with way too many holes in the song. Anyway, overall this was really funny — and I love non-political skits — I just wish I could understand every word of it. Anyone else surprised they didn’t go with a Tiger Woods press conference skit?

UPDATE: I think I nailed most of it. Here are the lyrics to We Are The World 3: Raising Awareness of the “We Are The World 2″ Disaster:

There comes a time (eh)
When we heed a certain call (eh)
and the world must come together as one

There were people singing
some famous but most not
a big swing that didn’t work at all

We Are The World
Was good the first time
But this remake
It was a big mistake
But well intentioned

It just seemed chaotic
And so disorganized
Most people wouldn’t take off their sunglasses. Hey!

To stress again
They’re good intentioned
Though hey, come on
I think I saw Vince Vaughn
And that’s Jeff Bridges

The host of the solos
Was cheaply autotuned
And the whole thing seemed to frighten Justin Bieber

To stress once more
These people meant well
But tell me who
Is this weird dude
Right in the front row

There was someone’s baby
And a man who’s now in jail. Woah whoa whoa WHOA!
A guy who everyone hates
And Wyclef’s crazy yell!

Oooh and standing in the back
The icing on the cake
Next to Vince Vaughn
Could that be Fonzworth Bentley?

Yes we confirm
It’s Fonzworth Bentley
He was the fella
Who held the umbrella for P. Diddy

We were there I tell you
‘Twas like a glimpse of hell
If everyone in hell smelled like weed

We Are The World
Was good the first time
But this retake
Was like that bad remake
They did of Psycho

Wait oh my God
That had Vince Vaughn too
It all make sense
It all makes sense
It all makes sense now

We Are The World
Was good the first time ….

Monologue: Jennifer Lopez — Really short monologue, but it’s always good to hear a host poke fun of themselves.

Gyne-Lotrimin Ladies World Cup of Curling — This is becoming a near-weekly event, so long as the guest host is a female. Not really complaining, here — I actually like this skit, though I worry it’ll get old soon. “Ain’t nothing fine-ah than a yeast-free vagina!”

SNL Digital Short: Flags of the World — I guess the guys had quite a spark of ingenuity when they came up with this one … and then they used that spark to light a big ol’ bag of STRONG weed, because this was a big WTF skit.

Hollywood Dish — It made sense that they’d dig this skit out for a host like J-Lo, but I’m not a big fan of it.

Telemundo on the Olympics — I really don’t have a whole lot to say about this sketch. Maybe it takes someone from a warm climate to find it funny, but since I’m currently sitting here freezing my ass off, that wouldn’t be me.

Undercover Celebrity Boss — Loved the Richard Branson in this one, but what’s scary about this is I can actually picture CBS making this show some day.

Musical Guest: Jennifer Lopez — I was thinking we might hear a couple of her old popular songs rather than some newer stuff, since Bob told me her new record deal was scrapped, or something like that. Well, whatever she did wasn’t the old stuff, but it definitely sounded different than what I thought I’d hear from her.

Weekend Update — Damn, the whole YouTube part of the sketch was just way too accurate. Who hasn’t this happened to? “Oh here it … oh wait, it’s buffering.” So Funny.

Besos y Lagrimas — In case you were wondering, that translates to “Kisses and Tears.” Yeah, I rock the Google Translate. What’s so funny about this is that I’ve heard you can watch these cheesy Spanish soaps and understand what’s going on without understanding a word of it.

Office Puppeteer Love — Yeah, can’t get much creepier than 50 freakin’ puppets in your apartment … that you call “boyfriends.” Yikes. These sketches are pretty funny and I wouldn’t mind seeing more of them.

Smash Mouth in the Closet — “I don’t want to sing it or it’ll get stuck in your head and you won’t be able to get it out!”

Car Horns and More – You may remember a similar one to this called “Doorbells and More” last December. Not my thing.

Zipco Closet Organizer — A repeat commercial but one of my favorites of the season. Available in the gift shop of The Vatican!