Has The Secret Life of the American Teenager sucked you in yet?

Carissa’s back Guest-Clacking for us again, after sharing her thoughts about why Cougar Town needs Scott Foley. Clearly no one at ABC read that post….

If you haven’t heard of this show, I guess I wouldn’t be surprised. Wouldn’t be surprised if you did know about it and didn’t watch.  If you’re like me, watching a show about teenagers on ABC Family didn’t seem like fun. I mean, if it’s a family show, what could their secret life possibly be about?  Well. Turns out its about sex.  Sex, sex and some more sex.  And their sex is no secret. Everyone knows.  The one thing they can’t seem to do in this town is keep a secret.

We began with fifteen year old, good girl band geek Amy Juergens losing her virginity at that pesky band camp to a hot drummer.  Ricky is one young hottie; the classic brooding type that feeds every girl’s bad boy fetish. An unknown prior to landing this role, Daren Kagasoff has been a real standout.  Amy’s sister Ashley is a 13 year old brunette bombshell with more wisecracks and wisdom than a girl her age should have.  Where Amy is the light, Ashley is the dark in their family.  Parents Anne and George, played by Molly Ringwald and Mark Derwin (the parents have all the acting credits in this show) are sort of cartoony, and in their rocky marriage say and do things make you cringe. The teens definitely rule the roost in the Juergens home!

Not to waste any time, the one night stand left Amy pregnant. Soon she’s in love with the good guy, Ben Boykewich, son of the sausage king (Steve Schirripa of The Sopranos).  Mr. Boykewich is the world’s most caring and understanding father, and recently lost his wife to cancer.  He praises Ben in his pursuit of the girl of his dreams even though she is pregnant by someone other than his son.  Starting to make your eyeballs swim, isn’t it?

The high school “slut,” Adrian, is a knockout who has sex with everyone, and especially wants sex with Ricky. When she finds out Amy is pregnant by Ricky it makes for instant frenemies. Amy has two “sidekick” best friends who tell everyone in school Amy is pregnant, so her secret takes about two minutes to make the rounds. They are two of the worst best friends anyone could have. I think the show runners expect comic relief from them, but they are more of a nuisance than anything else and up to this point haven’t produced much in the show other than one, Madison, willing to give oral sex to a jock in need.

Ben loves Amy, Adrian loves Ricky, Ricky wants to be a father to Amy’s baby, Ben wants to be a father to Amy’s baby, Adrian wants Amy to drop off the earth.  Amy has the baby, everyone loves the baby, mom has a baby, everyone loves that baby … the world Brenda Hampton (of 7th Heaven fame) has created is based on an alternate reality.

Grace Bowman is virginity girl, starts out wearing a chastity ring.  Her parents, Kathleen and Marshall (Josie Bissett and John Schneider) have adopted a boy with Downs Syndrome.  Kathleen was previously married to George Juergens, but it’s a family secret.  They talk daily with their children about the importance of abstinence and even though Grace is dating the high school football star, Jack (son of the town preacher), they have faith she will remain abstinent.  Such good people, you just know it can’t last.

Trying to wrap your head around this is near impossible, and frankly irresistible.  The kids are relative unknowns, and their acting really left a lot to be desired at the beginning.  But they’ve grown as a cast, even if the storylines are not necessarily taking the same step.  The sexual activity and discussion on this show makes 90210 look like Sesame Street.  Not an episode goes by where someone isn’t having regular sex, oral sex, talking about sex, wanting to have sex, cheating on someone, talking with their parents about sex, talking to each other about masturbation … it goes on and on.  The not-so-secret life is sex.  It’s all about sex.

The thing they do so very well is make you question stereotypes.  You can’t help but root for Ricky and Adrian, whether together, or apart. From broken families, you can feel their pain as they act out through sex that really gives them no solace at all.  When Grace loses her virginity on the night her father is killed, she is certain it’s because of the sex.  Not because she had it, but because she loved it! She eventually goes on to lead the “Just Say Me” masturbation campaign. She even filled her bedroom with rose petals and candles for her own special moment.

Amy, around whom the entire program was supposed to revolve, is actually a bratty, sour, unhappy girl.  Yes, the first time we met her she was pregnant, but I have yet to find an episode where I have felt even the slightest bit of compassion for her plight. Frankly, she’s a bitch and the least compelling character on the show.

I could ramble on and on, but I’m wondering if any of this will make you tune in on Monday nights.  Is your interest piqued at all? If it’s a vice you’ve been embarrassed to talk about, shout it out! It’s a dirty secret, but watching is not nearly as dirty as all the secrets in this fictional town found, of all places, on ABC Family.

Clacked by Guest Clacker
on Feb 15, 2010 @ 11:00 EST5EDT