After seven short months and two weeks of intense and entertaining battles, the era of Conan O’Brien as Tonight Show host is coming to an end. Under a recently signed agreement, Conan will receive a $45 million payout ($12 million going to his staff for severance pay) and be able to return to the airwaves on September 1st. Unfortunately, he will not be able to take along some of his intellectual property, such as Triumph or the wavy thing that grows out of his hair.
Jay Leno, the man the network asked to leave the Tonight Show six years ago in order to promote O’Brien, will be taking over hosting duties comes March 1st. It’s as if, despite everything the network has tried, they can’t get rid of Jay. This bodes the question: why? I have some theories.
The first is that Jay has something on the executives, both current and past. And I’m not talking about pictures of them having affairs or stealing money from their talent, nor torturing network stars in the NBC dungeon; those things are done on a regular basis. I mean something beyond horrible. Like dropping puppies off of overpasses, performing human sacrifices or, Lord help us, letting their crops wither and die in Farmville. Things that executives know Jay would reveal it he were fired.
Or, perhaps he’s a real-life Lord Voldermort and has the Imperius Curse on all of them. Actually, this makes sense. Think about it for a moment: network executives begin to think that Jay is a hindrance to their plans so they decide to cancel The Jay Leno Show and move it to a 30-minute slot. This gives them the leverage to get rid of Jay. In anger, Jay shouts “Imperio!” and, bang, everyone is in his court saying that he should take back the Tonight Show. Come to think of it, I think I’ve seen Jay speak Parcel tongue to Kevin on occasion.
Then there’s this theory: While a nice average guy on the outside, Jay Leno is a manipulative bastard who will do anything to get what he wants. Even if he has to screw over his friends to do it.
Nah! I still think the second theory is the best.
Clacked by Richard Keller 
on Jan 21, 2010 @ 15:00 EST5EDT
I understand your theories are humor attempts, but the whole concept of the piece doesn’t work. Even though I don’t find him funny, and would never watch him in any timeslot, and even if his demographics skew to older, less-educated and theoretically poorer people less able to buy the goods his sponsors advertise, Leno gets BIG crowds watching his show. Especially once it’s moved out of prime time. Old people seem to like falling asleep to his kind of bland humor and bad interviewing. So they have no interest in getting rid of him.
My theory is that NBC just likes going to great lengths to screw over the Late Night show hosts in various ways. You know just for shits and giggles. And to do it so far they have used Leno. I wonder what they will do to Fallon?
I think Leno is a good (to them) in bed and NBC likes it when he fucks them.
I can’t believe that the end result of this whole thing is replacing Conan O’Brien with Jimmy Fallon. Just disgusting, NBC.
Rich, I have a theory of my own and I think it’s the most plausible because it can be backed up by past evidence. My theory is that all network television executives are simply stark raving mad. They’re drug-addled, brain-dead (nah, that would infer they had a brain), drooling idiots who make decisions using a Ouija board and a lot of cocaine.
And Scott H, I’m an “old person” and believe me I would rather commit suicide by skinning myself alive using only a vegetable peeler than watch Leno. All of my old friends feel pretty much the same way.
While I know Conan is being painted as the victim here, lets remember he’s getting paid 33 million dollars to stay home the next six month, for a show that was under performing. And we all (including myself) find a way to feel bad for the guy. 33 million dollars.
Frankly, I’m not a big fan of either Leno, Letterman, or Conan. I’ve not watched much late night since Kilborn went off the air. If anything, I actually like Fallon the best of all of them.
Your second theory is correct–his a manipulative prick, who has managed to keep a phony good guy image. Also, in spite of the money he has, he is also gutless around the brass; just the kind of person the TV executives love. The insiders know who, and what he is. Hasn’t anyone ever wondered why his show has never won, or best I can remember,(even during its glory days); been nominated for an emmy. He is also about the only comedy host who has never been a host of an Oscar/Emmy, etc. ceremony. Like Lenny, I am one of the old guys. I enjoyed his stand up routine at Caesar’s Palace in the early days, when he was still Carson’s guest host–he has gone down hill ever since. He was never a good interviewer, and, I found his comedy died about the time the “OJ” trial was over. Like Lenny, I wouldn’t watch him now, even if they PAYED ME, instead of him.
I think he’s the devil AND has something on NBC. Mind control? Curses? It’s definitely something supernatural.
From the articles I’ve read, it’s all been about the money, as well as keeping both hosts tied up and off of competing networks (which I write laughingly because NBC is no longer competitive with any network except The CW). The executives wanted to keep Conan from leaving in 2006 and Jay in 2009. Both shows were making money for NBC, but The Jay Leno Show was killing the local affiliate news at 11 far beyond what it’s own poor ratings would suggest. The affiliates revolted due to their lost viewership and advertising revenue, but didn’t care about either host. When it came down to losing one or the other to ABC or FOX, NBC opted to keep the one with the $80-100 million contract penalty clause rather than the one they’d only have to pay $30-40 million.
Of course, when Jay Leno screws Jimmy Fallon out of hosting The Tonight Show in 2025, NBC might have a problem.