The American Idol monster returns

The juggernaut that is American Idol is about to devour us yet again. Next Tuesday night, January 12, at 8PM, the talent-less talent show returns for its ninth season. And already I’ve got DVR headaches.

I should back up and say that 1) Yes, I watch the show, and 2) I am one of the few (and the proud) who do not watch it live, and therefore have no involvement in the suspense — or the voting — that generally goes hand-in-hand with the series. I got sucked in during season two because there was a group of people who could sing. Unfortunately, each subsequent year has gotten worse, and even the stars who shined (Carrie Underwood, Chris Daughtry, Jordin Sparks, … that’s all she wrote) were overshadowed by the monumental amount of sucking that permeates each and every “top” list in a given season. So why do I, and you, keep on watching?

I recognize that some of you love the singers on the show. Okay, probably many of you. That’s fine, and is the wonderful thing about subjective tastes. But what about those of us who can’t wait for the commercial breaks night after night? Why do we keep on coming back?

I don’t know … there really isn’t much more to it than that. I know I like the audition rounds, both for the surprising talent and the over-the-top hurtfulness that Simon spits at the clueless. I enjoy the bartering, the cajoling, the contestants who come back in, bring their families, take it to the streets for a vote, or whatever. I’m actually surprised we’ve never seen someone overtly offering sexual favors in exchange for a golden ticket.

I love the really uncalled for stuff that happens — the uncontrollable laughter of the judges, and the outlandish requests made of some of these dreamers. I know it sounds mean, but if you’re going to put yourself through this process, especially after seeing what the judges have done for the past eight years, you can’t really expect anything less than 25 million people laughing at you.

The truth is that I could end my viewing pre-Hollywood, but I keep watching until the end. Why? Well, not because I particularly like any of the contestants, although I do always manage to find one in the group who I think possesses some talent. The reason is really the contestants who come out of nowhere — as far as I’m concerned — and wow me with their skill.

Everyone loved Elliott Yamin from the beginning — I thought he was awful. Until somewhere midway through the top whatever, when all of  a sudden he blew me away. Now I enjoy catching one of his songs on the radio. Or Jason Castro, who connected with one song at some point, and showed me what exactly his sound was all about.

Plus the drama is funny. For an eternity, people broke into the music industry through hard work, exposure, and a ton of luck. But American Idol and shows like it have created an environment that tells aspiring singers that winning a contest is the new “making it.” I’m not saying the contestants don’t work hard, but all you struggling artists out there can back this up — Idol is the easy way through. The fact that most contestants see it as life-or-death may be the saddest — and therefore the most entertaining for our voyeuristic tastes — part about it.

Also, there’s no more Paula Abdul, a fact I absolutely cannot overlook. Ellen Degeneres is a horrible choice, and Kara DioGuardi will continue to suck this season, but at least there’s no more Paula. That could be reason enough to watch.

Now nothing will overshadow the contestants’ own ineptitude.

Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Jan 04, 2010 @ 13:00 EST5EDT