Quotation Marks – Bazinga, Ice Bullets, and the Sue Sylvester Express

Its hard to imagine that we won’t be getting any new Sue Sylvester quotes until Glee comes back in April. She’s easily the most quotable new character on television (I don’t know how Julia will be able to get through the winter!), and this weekly column will miss her barbs, insults, and observations. But with shows like The Big Bang Theory and 30 Rock, I think we’ll muddle through!

Big Bang Theory

“Howard?” — Sheldon
“Yeah?” — Howard
“Your shoes are delightful.  Where did you get them?” — Sheldon
“What?” — Howard
“Bazinga, I don’t care.” — Sheldon

“Can you just tell me what Leonard does?” — Penny
“Alright. Leonard is attempting to learn why subatomic particles move the way they do.” — Sheldon
“Really? That’s it? Well, that doesn’t sound so complicated.” — Penny
“It’s not. That’s why Leonard does it.” — Sheldon

“Tushie face? That is going on Twitter right now!” — Leonard

Quotes from the Ether

“10 cm let’s go! Just waiting for the dr to arrive and I’ll have myself a lil baby!” — @alainahuffman, proving that Twitter has infiltrated all parts of our lives

Castle

“I’m telling you … ice bullet.” — Castle
“No, bro. An ice bullet would still make a bullet hole.” — Esposito
“You mean ice hole.” — Ryan
“What did you call me?” — Castle

Glee

“You have to take it to get those Jewish baby tests!” — Quinn

“I am reasonably confident that you will be adding revenge to the long list of things that you’re no good at … right next to being married, running a high school glee club, and finding a hair style that doesn’t make you look like a lesbian.” — Sue

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ is the most downloaded song in the history of iTunes.” — Head of deaf glee club

“Sex is not dating.” — Santana
“If it were, Santana and I would be dating.” — Britney

“Okay. I’m just gonna come out and say it. This is a singing competition. I don’t know how those deaf kids got in. They weren’t singing, they were like, honking, and everyone was crying and I was like, ‘Get off the stage. You’re terrible and you’re making me super uncomfortable.'” — Candace Dystra, Sectionals Judge

“You’ve just stepped aboard the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination: HORROR.” — Sue

Bones

“Are we doing experiments on Booth, because if so, I’d like to help.” — Angela

“Where’s your chest hair?” — Hodgins
“I’m highly evolved.” — Booth
“His pubic extension is entirely within normal…” — Bones
“Enough!” — Booth

“It’s an uncanny resemblance … You’re practically sisters.” — Max to Bones and her cousin, played by Emily and Zooey Deschanel

Parks and Recreation

“It’s gotten a lot harder to work in government. Do you think Winston Churchill ever had to pull down his pants and show people his butt?” — Leslie

30 Rock

“I’m sorry, are you being sarcastic? Canadians have a hard time recognizing it because we don’t have a large Jewish population.” — Danny

“You sing? Really? Because that’s kind of my thing. Next thing I know you’re going to tell me you’re really blond and have a urinary tract infection.” — Jenna

“That’s what religion is, K-Fed, just a bunch of rules made up to manipulate people. Why don’t Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I’ll tell you why — because the pope owns Long John Silver’s.” — Tracy

“…and then the person with the highest number gives the smallest gift to the tallest person. If they want to switch, they cannot, unless they do. Then everyone puts their head down except the murderer, oh wait that’s not right.” — Kenneth, going over the rules of his gift swap

“Can’t I just enjoy this while it lasts?” — Jack
“That’s what I said when that hot dog vendor passed out, but you made me go get help.” — Liz

“You know how hard it is to get teenagers out of bed in the morning.” — Nancy
“Yes, but not in the way you’re talking about.” — Jack

The Office

“I had the same exact idea for catching Osama Bin Laden. I would simply send him a different piece each day. He would assemble it and find himself … IN JAIL.” — Dwight

Community

“To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal, and I would never take it away from anyone, but I also would never stand in line for it.” — Jeffrey

“I’m so sick of the dean shoving his PC-ness down my throat!” — Shirley

Modern Family

“OK, but if this so-called Santa Claus doesn’t bring me a burgundy dinner jacket, we’re going to have a big problem.” — Manny

Cougar Town

“I can’t decide if you’re a really good dad or a really bad one.” – Travis
“I am both, and I am neither.” – Andy

“I’m going to go decide what your consequences are.” – Ellie
“Sounds like a plan.” – Andy
“Plus, I don’t want Stan to witness the murder of his father.” – Ellie
“That’s how Batman became Batman.” – Travis

“Oh my God, he must be a jeans model for that cheesy store.”  – Laurie
“Or, he loves his body and lives his life shirtless no matter what anyone thinks. Like Matthew McConaughey. – Ellie

The Middle

“Oh right, I’m not organized! I have a pocket full of post-it notes that say otherwise!” — Frankie

Better off Ted

“What’s not to like? She’s gullible and she slept with you on the first date. If her mother’s not fat, you should throw a ring on it.” — Veronica to Ted on his new girlfriend.

“I haven’t gone balls out crazy in a long time, and it’s my favorite kind of crazy.” — Veronica

Dollhouse

“I never did a sister act … with food …. with cooking food.” — Echo

“I am obsolete. This must be what old people feel like. And Blockbuster.” — Topher, after seeing Echo switch imprints on her own