CBS Monday night lineup – Clacking the dream

by Aryeh S.

murphy-brown-cast

This is one of those nights that I’ve been anxiously awaiting evaluating, as I continue clacking the television week dream. Ignoring the recent success CBS has enjoyed on Mondays, I’d have thought that it was an historically dead night for them. And boy would I have been wrong.

It’s tough in a lot of these situations to not just stick to half-hour series, because riding an hour-long show in a time slot means that it actually beats out two of its worthy shorter competitors. That’s actually not an issue that I faced in setting up my dream Monday on CBS, but it’s a point to consider as I move ahead.

Anyway, without further adieu, here we go:

8:00-8:30 Back in 1981, 8PM belonged to Private Benjamin, a wonderful little series based on the movie of the same name. Well, not wonderful, but we’re expected to long for days of old, right? Sarah Jessica Parker was Patty Greene in Square Pegs for a year, while Kate & Allie, Newhart, and Major Dad all spent a season at this hour. As far as more permanent occupants have gone, Evening Shade, The Nanny, Cosby, and The King of Queens all led off the night for The Eye for at least two seasons. In truth, I am a fan of The King of Queens, no matter what others will say about it, and it’s a rather tempting choice for me. But it’s had other homes, and I feel no push to displace a more deserving series, if one exists. I hate to admit that Yes, Dear has seen the light of day in my home, but since it was my wife watching it — in reruns during her maternity leave — at least the embarrassment is hers alone … well, hers and my son’s. But I actually am enjoying the way CBS chooses to start its week off right now; that’s right, for me it’s How I Met Your Mother all the way. Barney will get you good to go!

8:30-9:00 This is kind of a head-scratcher for me, as far as why CBS would stock the second half-hour of the night so poorly. Sure, Kate & Allie, Major Dad, The King of Queens, and How I Met Your Mother all did spells here, but most of the shows that once aired at 8:30 are long on the loser side of the column. The Two of Us, Private Benjamin, My Sister Sam, Coming of Age, The People Next Door, Hearts Afire, Dave’s World … are you crying for mercy yet? Well, there was also Yes, Dear, Welcome to the Captain, The Class, and currently Accidentally on Purpose…. Sorry for hitting you while you were down! I can see the argument for Listen Up! because I did enjoy it, and I think that Jason Alexander did find success on it, but the single season left me unsure of its sustainability. Plus there’s some serious competition ahead. Others might be crying The New Adventures of Old Christine, or more likely The Big Bang Theory, but I find the former to be unfunny, and the latter to be unfunnier, so at least as far as my enjoyment goes, neither cuts the mustard. But in 1997, as it struggled to find a permanent home, CBS aired Everybody Loves Raymond in this slot, and saw it jump from ranked 82nd to 30th in just one season. Monday’s at 9:00 would make it a top-ten show, but it made a name for itself at 8:30, and that’s where I’m going to slot the Barones.

9:00-9:30 How did CBS get people to come back at 9:00 after chasing them away at 8:30? Just check out the power this hour has been for The Eye for the last thirty years: M*A*S*H, Kate & Allie, Newhart, Murphy Brown, Cybill, Everybody Loves Raymond, and Two and a Half Men. Wow! Working backwards, I’ve never laughed at Two and a Half Men, the major reason why I don’t tune in, so that’s one down. Raymond’s booked for me already, and I never saw Cybill or Newhart, so while I can tangentially speak to their success, I can’t speak to my own potential enjoyment of them. M*A*S*H was a good show — no question about it. I just wonder, however, if I’d be interested in tuning in every week, or if it’s better left as something that I can catch here and there in reruns. I actually enjoyed Kate & Allie when I watched it way back when, but that, I believe, was right for its time, and wrong for me now. But Murphy Brown, and especially Candice Bergen, will never go out of style. I would love to tune in to watch her every Monday night.

9:30-10:00 Another dip here (maybe CBS was concerned that their viewers were too stupid to tune in on anything but the hour?), with a lot of shows airing that I’ve never heard of. There were, of course, Newhart, Designing Women, Cybill, and Two and a Half Men, but most shows on at this hour were things like House Calls, The Famous Teddy Z, Love & War, High Society, George & Leo, and Becker. Then again, since 2005 the slot has seen Out of Practice (enjoyable, but I wouldn’t lobby for it), The New Adventures of Old Christine, and The King of Queens, so maybe CBS viewer’s started buying digital watches. The slot has also been successful of late for The Big Bang Theory, but in my heart (and because I don’t like it anyway), 9:30 on CBS belongs to only one show (okay, two): a split season between Worst Week and Rules of Engagement! It was so great last year to get them both, even knowing that Worst Week was done for. I can only hope to get that lucky again.

10:00-11:00 Here’s where things get tricky … I don’t think I want to watch anything that’s aired at this hour on CBS in the last 28 years. Besides the stuff I’ve either never really heard of (Lou Grant, Almost Grown, Brooklyn South, L.A. Doctors, Family Law) or never really seen (Cagney & Lacey, Woman to Woman, Designing Women), there are the series with giant fan bases that I frankly have no interest in. I’m sure many of you would love the opportunity to choose between Northern Exposure, Chicago Hope, or CSI: Miami, but the first wasn’t for me (although I like some of their DVD set packages), the first medical show I was able to bring myself to watch was Grey’s Anatomy, and while I enjoy procedurals, the CSI franchise both grosses me out, and bores me. So here’s where I introduce a little something we like to call Free Play. You can go with whatever you choose to at 10PM, but I’d either be reading, catching up on my backlogged shows, heading to bed early (doubtful), or maybe writing episode reviews of most of the night’s CBS sitcoms for you all to read. Sound fair?