See Jane Clack: A reality show starring Jon Gosselin, Richard Heene, and other stupid celebs

I’ve been thinking about creating a Survivor-type reality show where we put all the stupid celebrities into a big balloon and send it into the stratosphere. Then they’d have to do in-air challenges, and the loser gets tossed over.

I realize there’s no way we could get them all into one balloon unless it was the size of North America, but just work with me. We could even get the helium industry on as a sponsor. Here’s a few people I’d push into the balloon myself:

Jon Gosselin. Let’s face it: he’s a loser who’s into the whole fame and fortune thing, and has lost sight of reality. At first I thought he couldn’t speak without having his attorney duct-taped to his side — like when he was on Larry King — but then he actually did start speaking on his own, and he definitely needs the attorney there.

Octomom. Because she has a crush on Jon Gosselin. And just because.

Richard Heene. Balloon Boy’s dad, in case you haven’t watched the news in the past week. Are his 15 minutes of fame up yet? Into the balloon with you!

Suzanne Somers. Go back to selling your thigh-master, S. No one needs your so-called medical advice, least of all Patrick Swayze’s grief-stricken family.

Joe Jackson. That would be Michael Jackson’s dad, not the singer Joe Jackson, whom I love. As for Michael’s Dad, he’s charging $3,000 a ticket on opening night for “This Is It,” so fans can meet him and see the film. And the sad thing is, he’ll probably sell all those tickets.

Anyone trying to extort cash from the Travolta family. What is WRONG with people? A family loses their beloved son and people immediately go after them for all the cash they can get. All of you, into the balloon.

Chris Brown. I don’t care how many domestic violence awareness groups you get involved in, you’re still a loser.

Kanye West. Ditto.

Ok, who else belongs in the balloon? Spill!

Clacked by Jane Boursaw
on Oct 23, 2009 @ 10:00 EST5EDT