Quotation Marks – The West Wing edition

The writing was always an incredibly important part to the success of the show. Aaron Sorkin, all things being equal, is probably the best dialogue writer on television. Ever (Yes, I said ever). When he left after season four, it took some time for the show to find its voice again, but I contend that it did with style. These quotes are a sampling of the brilliance that I’m talking about. Bare with me: some of these exchanges are long, but trust me when I say that they are worth your time:

Season One

“About a week ago I accidentally slept with a prostitute.” — Sam
“Really?” — Toby
“Yes.” — Sam
“You accidentally slept with a prostitute.” — Toby
“Call girl.” — Sam
“Accidentally.” — Toby
“Yes.” — Sam
“I don’t understand. Did you trip over something?” — Toby

“There’s no Democrat running against me.” — Katzenmoyer
“Sure there is.” — Josh
“Who?” — Katzenmoyer
“Whomever we pick.” — Josh
“You’re bluffing.”– Katzenmoyer
“Okay.” — Josh
“I’m in your own party!”– Katzenmoyer
“Doesn’t seem to be doing us much good now, does it?”– Josh
“Against an incumbent Democrat. You’ll go to the press and endorse a challenger?”– Katzenmoyer
“No sir. We’re going to do it in person. See, you won with fifty-two percent, but the President took your district with fifty-nine. And I think it’s high time we come back and say thanks. Do you have any idea how much noise Air Force One makes when it lands in Eau Claire, Wisconsin? We’re going to have a party, Congressman. You should come, it’s gonna be great. And when the watermelon’s done, right in town square, right in the band gazebo… You guys got a band gazebo?”
“Josh…”– Katzenmoyer
“Doesn’t matter, we’ll build one. Right in the band gazebo, that’s where the President is going to drape his arm around the shoulder of some assistant DA we like. And you should have your camera with you. You should get a picture of that. ‘Cause that’s gonna be the moment you’re finished in Democratic politics. President Bartlet’s a good man. He’s got a good heart. He doesn’t hold a grudge. That’s what he pays me for.” — Josh

Season Two

“Do you have any medical conditions?” — Nurse
“Well, I’ve been shot.” — Bartlet

“They say a good man can’t get elected president. I don’t believe that. Do you?” — Leo
“And you think I’m that man?” — Bartlet
“Yes.” — Leo
“Doesn’t it matter that I’m not as sure?” — Bartlet
“Nah. ‘Act as if ye have faith and faith shall be given to you.’ Put another way: ‘Fake it until you make it.'” — Leo

” [to Josh] This guy’s walking down a street, when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep, he can’t get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, “Hey you! Can you help me out?” The doctor writes him a prescription, throws it down the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, “Father, I’m down in this hole, can you help me out?” The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. “Hey Joe, it’s me, can you help me out?” And the friend jumps in the hole! Our guy says, “Are you stupid? Now we’re both down here!” and the friend says, “Yeah, but I’ve been down here before, and I know the way out.” As long as I got a job, you got a job, you understand me?” — Leo (my all time favorite bit/story from The West Wing)

“They have bathrobes at the gym?” — Sam
“In the women’s locker room.” — CJ
“But not the men’s.” — Sam
“Yeah.” — CJ
“Now, that’s outrageous. There’s a thousand men working here and fifty women…” — Sam
“Yeah, and it’s the bathrobes that’s outrageous.” — CJ

“Come quick. Sam’s getting his ass kicked by a girl!” — Josh, on seeing Sam debate Ainsley Hayes on TV
“Ginger, bring the popcorn.” — Toby

“I flat-out guarantee you that if men were biologically responsible for procreation, there’d be paid family leave in every Fortune 500.” — Sam
“Sam, if men were biologically responsible for procreation, they’d fall down and die at the first sonogram.” — Ainsley

“What could possibly be your problem with the ERA?” — Sam
“It’s humiliating! A new amendment stating that I’m equal under the law to a man? I’m mortified to discover that I wasn’t before. I am a citizen of this country, not a special subset. I don’t need my rights handed down to me by a bunch of old, white men. The same Article 14 that protects you, protects me and I went to law school just to make sure. And with that, I’m going back down to the mess, because I think I may have seen there a peach.” — Ainsley
“[to Ed and Larry]: I would have countered that, but I already moved on to other things in my head.” — Sam (The Sam/Ainsley back and forth were some of my favorites)

Season Three

“What do you call a society that has to just live every day with the idea that the pizza place you are eating in could just blow up without any warning?” — Student
“Israel.” — Sam

“I am writing.” — Toby
“I don’t see paper.” — Charlie
“‘We can sit back and admit with great sensitivity that life isn’t fair… and the less-advantaged are destined to their lot in life… and the problems of those on the other side of the world should stay there… and our leaders are cynical and can never be an instrument of change… but that, my friends, is not worthy of you; it’s not worthy of a President; it’s not worthy of a great nation; it’s not worthy of America.’ Paper’s for wimps.” — Toby

“Why are you a Republican?” — Donna
“Because I hate poor people. I hate them, Donna. They’re all so poor, and many of ‘em talk funny, and don’t have proper table manners… my father slaved away at the Fortune 500 company he inherited so that I could go to Choate, Brown and Harvard and see that this country isn’t overrun by poor people and lesbians. No… I’m Republican because I believe in smaller government. This country was founded on the principle of freedom, and freedom stands opposed to constraints, and the bigger the government, the more the constraints.” — Cliff (proving that Sorkin could write conservatives fairly well, too)

Clacked by Ivey West
on Sep 28, 2009 @ 09:00 EST5EDT