Quotation Marks – Singles, Snipers, and Zimas

We’re in the midst of it all now. This week the Emmy’s (un)officially kicked off the new fall season with an outstanding performance by host Neil Patrick Harris, Glee turned in a killer episode, and we saw the first cancellation of the season. One more week and most of the new fall shows will have premiered, and this post will be exploding with quotey-goodness.

Quotes from the Ether

“If you’re having trouble with somebody on the set, learn how to tell them to go to hell in such a way they’ll want to go.” – Emmy nominated director Rod Holcomb (ER), on how to handle troubles on the set

“After Miss Guided, Opportunity Knocks, Gameshow In My Head, and True Beauty, I thought someone taking another shot on one of his shows was him getting a break. Apparently, when Ashton grows up he wants to be Tim Minear.” – Clacker Brett Love, on the cancellation of The Beautiful Life

“That’s right, sofa-monkeys, no more corporate entertainment. No more self-congratulatory awards shows with athletic, yet luminous, hosts….” – Dr. Horrible at the Emmys, on amazingly similarly looking host Neil Patrick Harris

Castle

“Beckett, how come you don’t wear a uniform like that?” – Esposito
“Because I don’t want to get paid in singles.” – Beckett

“I don’t think she’s gonna make it. She’s got that “Scanners” look, you know, right before her head’s about to explode.” – Compton about Beckett, as she’s being interviewed about Castle

“Somebody hated his guts.” – Castle, on the victim who was de-organed

“Is it just my imagination, or did you change?” – Castle to Beckett, when she got a little sleezy for the Russian club

NCIS

“You remember when I said my boss was a sniper?” – Tony, reminding us that the whole NCIS team wasn’t in the room

Cougar Town

“Hey, you want to stay in, hang out on the couch, maybe watch a  movie?” – Jules
“Are you hitting on me?” – Travis

“This wine’s for Ellie. She’s been looking so hot lately, I thought I’d get her drunk and try to hit that.” – Jules
“Lesbian mom jokes … awesome.” – Travis

“Home by midnight, and if I ever catch you two drinking and driving, I’m going to show everyone that baby picture of you two holding each others’ penises … so small.” – Jules
“You know, Ryan’s mom just says goodbye.” – Travis

Modern Family

“If Haley never wakes up on a beach in Florida half naked, I’ve done my job.” – Claire
“Our job.” – Phil
“Right. I’ve done our job.” – Claire

“May I take your multi-colored coat and bejeweled cap?” – Mitchell to Jay

“Lily? Isn’t that going to be hard for her to say?” – Phil

“Let me see the little potsticker.” – Jay, about meeting his adopted Vietnamese granddaughter

Psych

“[Computers] are just another passing fad, like rap music, Madonna, and LA Law.” – Henry

“What grown man doesn’t own a black suit?” – Gus
“Besides me? The Joker, Colonel Sanders, Matthew McConaughey.…” – Shawn
“McConaughey doesn’t count; he doesn’t own a shirt.” – Gus

“Man, I wish I could have known you when you were black….” – Shawn to Gus

“So they can, or cannot, lift the parental lock off my laptop?” – Shawn
“That was me Shawn; trust me, it was for your own good.” – Gus

Bones

“Shouldn’t we be honest with each other?” – Brennan
“We’re honest! I mean, aren’t you? I mean, I am.” – Booth
“So you have no problem with me making so much more money than you.” – Brennan
“No. [Brennan makes a face] Well, yeah, but it’s — it’s a little weird. I mean, you’re loaded. You’re really loaded, and you still don’t even have a flat screen. That’s just kind of weird, to be honest. It’s a little French, if you ask me.” – Booth

“We weren’t supposed to date! I guess it’s not like the FBI. We’re not allowed to sleep with someone we’re working with.” – Mandy
“Is she talking about us?” – Brennan
“We’re not.” – Booth
“No!” – Brennan
“Oh, it’s okay. I’m CIA. My lips are sealed.” – Mandy

Community

“We could have a candlelight vigil like lesbians have on the news!” – Annie

“My knowledge will bite your face off!” – Senor Chang

“The woman I kind of like is out there in the moonlight caring about something stupid. And this is my chance to show her that I care enough about her to act like I care about it, too.” – Jeff

“Did you guys know there’s an ethnic cleansing in Burma?” – Annie
“We’d better bust out that brownie mix.” – Shirley

Glee

“No … No … No.  Giving birth is not like how it is in the movies. It is bloody, and bestial, and you get poop all over your cowboy boots.” – Kendra

“You know, caning has fallen out of favor in the United States. But ask anyone that’s safely walked the immaculate sidewalks of Singapore, after winning an international cheerleading competition, and they’ll tell you one thing: Caning works!” – Coach Sylvester

“The more times she [Rachel] storms out of rehearsal, the less impact it has.” – Artie

“Hey, ankle grabber! I had sex with your mother. No, seriously … I cleaned your pool, and then I had sex with her in your bed. Nice Star Wars sheets.” – Puck

Parks and Recreation

“You know my code. Hos before bros. Uteruses before duderuses. Ovaries before brovaries.” – Leslie