Friends quotables – CliqueClack Flashback

No context needed for us fans. Take it away, Crane and Kaufman….

“Who’s FICA? Why’s he getting all my money?” – Rachel

“What do you know?! No one’s going up to you and saying, ‘Hi! Is that your nostril? Mind if we push this POT ROAST THROUGH IT?'” – Carol

“Dear God, this parachute is a knapsack!” – Chandler

“We’ve gotta get some sleep.” – Julie
“Yeah, it’s really 6:00 tomorrow night our time.” – Ross
“Well, listen, don’t tell us what’s gonna happen though, ’cause I like to be surprised.” – Chandler

“You’re over me? When were you … under me?” – Ross

“This must be so hard. ‘Oh, no! Two women love me. They’re both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet’s too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!'” – Chandler

“How do you expect me to grow if you won’t let me blow?” – Rachel
“You know, um … I don’t have a … have a … problem with that.” – Ross

“Stare into the barrel of a gun, pee into the wind!” – Joey
“Joey, I assure you, if I were staring into the barrel of a gun, I would be pretty much peeing every which way.” – Chandler

“Oh! Uh, sorry, did I get ya?” – Joey
“NO, YOU DIDN’T GET ME! IT’S AN ELECTRIC DRILL! YOU GET ME, YOU KILL ME!” – Chandler

“If the Homo sapiens were, in fact, homo sapiens, is that why they’re extinct?” – Joey
“Joey, Homo sapiens are people.” – Ross
“Hey, hey, I’m not judging!” – Joey

“If I had to, I’d pee on any one of you!” – Joey

“WE WERE ON A BREAK!” – Ross
“And hey, just so you know — it’s not that common, it doesn’t happen to every guy, and it is a big deal!” – Rachel
“I KNEW IT!” – Chandler

“Yeah, but, Monica — do you really want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase ‘That’s not how your dad used to do it’?” – Phoebe
“Fine! Judge all you want to, but: married a lesbian (at Ross), left a man at the altar (at Rachel), fell in love with a gay ice dancer (at Phoebe), threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire (at Joey), livin’ in a box (at Chandler)!” – Monica

“…take thee, Emily…” – Priest
“…take thee, Rachel…” – Ross

“Someone at work ate my sandwich!” – Ross
“Well, what did the police say? – Chandler

“Exactly! Unisex!” – Rachel
“Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.” – Joey
“No, no, Joey! U-N-I-sex.” – Rachel
“Well! Ain’t gonna say ‘no’ to that!” – Joey

“You are so cute. How did you get to be so cute?” – Monica
“Well, my grandfather was Swedish, and my grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny.” – Chandler

“Rachel, did it bother you when Ross flirted with other women?” – Chandler
“No, it bothered me when he slept with other women.” – Rachel
“Thank you for that.” – Ross

“Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?” – Joey
“Dude, you are sick.” – Ross
“Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.” – Joey

“It tastes like feet!” – Ross
“I like it!” – Joey
“Are ya serious?” – Ross
“What’s not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Beef, GOOD!” – Joey

“Thursday! Look, if you need help remembering, think of it like this: the third day. All right? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday! The third day! Okay?” – Joey

“Uh, Joe — a moo point?” – Rachel
“You know, like a cow’s opinion. It doesn’t matter. It’s moo.” – Joey
“Have I been living with him too long, or did all that just make sense?” – Rachel

“Ross! My neighbors ate all my candy!” – Monica
“Mine stole my newspaper! It’s like a crime wave!” – Ross

“My character is coming out of his coma!” – Joey
“That’s great!” – Chandler
“And not only that, I’m gettin’ a new brain!” – Joey
“So great things are happening at work and in your personal life!” – Chandler

“You’re fast and irresponsible. That adds up to a bad driver.” – Ross
“Well, in high school, that added up to head cheerleader.” – Rachel

“Monica, we need more candy.” – Rachel
“What? There’s only been like 4 kids!” – Monica
“Yeah I know, but one of them just said that she loved me so I just gave her everything.” – Rachel
“No wonder you’re pregnant.” – Phoebe

“It was a pink bunny or no bunny at all.” – Monica
“No bunny at all! ALWAYS NO BUNNY AT ALL!” – Chandler

“I got TiVo!” – Rachel
“What’s TiVo?” – Dr. Green
“It’s slang for pregnant.” – Phoebe

“I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I’m really busy that day. I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun Bar Mitzvah.” – Phoebe

“I’m not great with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?…” – Chandler

“I’m also a mento for kids.” – Joey
“A men-to.” – Interviewer
“Right.” – Joey
“Like the candy?” – Interviewer
“As a matter of fact, I do.” – Joey

“Oh, my God, you know what, I think you’re right! I think — you know what? Listen, listen: a pigeon … no, no, wait, an eagle flew in, landed on the stove, and caught fire! The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird’s aid! The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons! Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water! Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death-grip, swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment!” – Ross
“Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that’s true.” – Rachel

“Do you guys have to go to the new house right away, or do you have some time?” – Rachel
“We’ve got some time.” – Monica
“Okay. Should we get some coffee?” – Rachel
“Sure…. Where?” – Chandler