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Quotations Marks – Eliot knocks Hardison, Weeds knocks hipocrisy, and FX showrunners knock NBC

Eliot

Another great quotation week in the world of Television. The great lines weren’t all just on scripted television, as it seemed to be the week of taking shots at NBC, and their … uh … suspect decision making as of late. Can’t say that I blame them. Welcome to the #nbcfail party, boys and girls of FX.

Leverage

[after explaining how a cell phone is a metal detector] …are you even listening?” – Hardison
“Yeah.” – Eliot
“Well, what did I say?” – Hardison
“You were explaining how you’re still a virgin?” – Eliot

“Skylar?  Is that a boy’s name?” – Eliot

The Television Critics Association Press Tour

“They’ve clearly just said, ‘Look, we can’t develop. We can’t develop anything that’s going to stick. We have – clearly can’t find anything with any traction, so we quit.'” – Rescue Me showrunner Peter Tolan on NBC’s new Jay Leno show

“They should take down the American Flag from the building and put up a white one … They’ve given up.” – Tolan again

Burn Notice

“It looks like the sons of the Lucky Charm revolution are gearing up for battle.” – Sam

Warehouse 13

[after discovering a feather he found allows the holder to walk through walls] Now THIS is one of those artifacts I’d really like to keep.” – Pete

“Use your feminine wiles. Smile. You’re pretty when you smile.” – Pete
“I am?” – Myka
“Yeah.” – Pete
“So what does that mean when I’m not smiling?” – Myka
“Kind of frightening.” – Pete

The Closer

“If Charlie’s going to be staying here, murder is part of the deal.” – Brenda

“Charlie, which would you rather? Museums with Grandma, or schizophrenic murder suspects with your Aunt Brenda?” – Brenda

Weeds

[after he finished suckling her in the bathroom of a restaurant] You swallowed?” – Nancy
“Yeah, well; I don’t wanna be a hypocrite.” – Andy

Entourage

“I want you to keep an eye on Andrew Klein.” – Ari
“Keep an eye on him how?” – Lloyd
“Pretend he’s Zac Efron’s ball sack.” – Ari

True Blood

“I ain’t never done it before. With a girl I mean.” – Hoyt
“Well what have you done it with?” – Jessica

“Hugo, do me a favor. Just shut the fuck up.” – Sookie

“Say a prayer. You are going to hell, and you are going there today.” – Steve Newlin to Jason

And selections from the Virgin Diaries

House, M.D.

“TB is my disease” – Dr. Sebastian Charles
“You own a disease?  I’m sorry I missed the IPO on dengue.” – House

“You know the difference between our jobs is not numbers or styles. It’s that I know I’m going to fail.  Even if I save a million people there’s going to be another million. You couldn’t handle that. I think you resent anyone who can.” – Charles

“It’s not the size of the muscle, it’s where you get to put it.” – Mark

Six Feet Under

“We’ve been clutching so desperately to the past, and for what?” – David
“Because that’s when there was hope.” – Ruth

“Ruth, it isn’t the ’50s anymore. No matter how you dress.” – Margaret

“Oh, I wanna take a picture of everyone.” – Claire
“You can’t take a picture of this. It’s already gone.” – Nate

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

“Okay, let’s not say something we’ll all regret later, okay?” – Xander
“Crazy freak!” – Cordelia
“Vapid whore!” – Buffy
Like that.” – Xander

“I don’t even get why you care about Homecoming when you’re doing stuff like this.” – Cordelia
Because this is all I do. This is what my life is. You couldn’t understand. I just thought … Homecoming Queen. I could pick up a yearbook someday and say, I was there. I went to high school, I had friends, and, for one moment, I got to live in the world. And there’d be proof, proof that I was chosen for something other than this. Besides, [pumps the rifle] I look cute in a tiara.” – Buffy

“I don’t get this. The candy’s supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I’ve had a ton and I don’t feel any diff- never mind.” – Xander

[to Angel and Buffy] You’re not friends. You’ll never be friends. You’ll be in love ’til it kills you both. You’ll fight, and you’ll shag, and you’ll hate each other ’til it makes you quiver, but you’ll never be friends. Love isn’t brains, children, it’s blood — blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it.” – Spike

Photo Credit: TNT

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