Diary of a Weeds Virgin – Season 4 begins with Nancy caught in traffic

by Kona Gallagher

weeds celia jail

(Season 4, Episodes 1-3)

After the season finale, I was expecting more of an earth-shattering premiere than what we got. Instead, we have everyone in Agrestic/Majestic pretty much going on with their lives (in FEMA-approved hotel rooms). Well, except for Celia, that is, who has gotten an amazing prison makeover, courtesy of everyone being completely awesome and selling her out to the DEA. The first three episodes are good, with the premiere being especially hilarious, but they haven’t been quite as action-packed as the last several from season three. Hopefully we’re working up to it.

(Season 4, Episode 1 “Mother Thinks the Birds Are After Her”)

This episode didn’t exactly have any major revelations, but got back to its comedy roots. In fact, it was hilarious. There was no time lapse between it and the season 3 finale; we pick up with Celia being questioned by Peter’s old boss about the grow house they had discovered. Celia, being a total bitch, of course gave up Nancy immediately. Unfortunately for her, being a total bitch made everybody else tell the DEA that she was the actual boss. The whole interview process was pretty amazing — I laughed all the way through it.

Back with the Botwins, they’re on a road trip to the coast to start their new life. They make a pit stop at Bubbie’s (Judas and Andy’s grandmother) house, and we get to meet Andy’s dad, played by Albert Brooks. It took me a few minutes to recognize him, because he’s pretty grey and disheveled, but is also amazing. He calls Andy “Not Judah” because he’s not sure he’s his and “wants to keep an emotional distance.” He also drinks Franzia and is an irredeemable gambler. All and all, he’s going to be a great character on this show.

As Andy correctly points out, they’re not where they are because of the clean air: Nancy has a plan. She’s working with Guillermo to start trafficking drugs over the border. Because, you know, the drug dealing thing went so well, that obviously she’s prepared for the infinitely more dangerous world of fucking drug trafficking. But, hey. If Nancy weren’t a complete idiot, then we really wouldn’t have a show at all.

(Season 4, Episode 2 “Lady’s a Charm”)

Let me just get the thing I hated about this episode out of the way: I don’t like stuff having to do with bodily functions unless it’s completely necessary. We didn’t need to see Nancy maneuver her way into the back seat to pee, and we certainly didn’t need to hear it in real time. But above all else, we didn’t need to have that scene inter-cut with Shane stuffing his Bubbie’s shitty diaper into a diaper pail and getting it everywhere. The pee thing at least came back later in the episode when we find out that Guillermo was taping Nancy, but the diaper thing was just gross and pointless.

Moving on.

Nancy has her first job for Guillermo: going to Tijuana to get inhalers. She fails. In addition to having to pee in the car, the border patrol confiscates the inhalers because she didn’t buy a prescription at la farmacia for fifteen bucks. However, she still got five grand for the job. They’re doing dry runs now to prepare for the actual trafficking, so it seems as though it’s going to be a little bit of time before she’s actually smuggling drugs across the border.

This is probably good for Nancy, because it seems as though the jig is almost up for her. Celia is still currently rotting away in jail, and may or may not be her cell mate’s “special friend.” However, it looks as though her incarceration may be coming to an end, as there is surveillance footage of Nancy and Guillermo at the border. It seems as though the fact that they’re only doing dry runs now may be the only thing that saves Nancy.

(Season 3, Episode 3 “The Whole Blah Damn Thing”)

Celia is now an honorary DEA agent, but she’s pretty ineffectual so far. She managed to find Nancy’s house and saw Guillermo give Nancy the money for his drugs and his cousin. Unfortunately, instead of using a cell phone camera like a normal person, she used a crappy disposable and didn’t get pictures of anything. Regardless, Nancy has moved on to smuggling actual drugs, so the whole thing I said before about the fact that she’s just doing dry runs will save her is obviously false. I’m just curious about how the show is going to either get her back to Agrestic/Majestic or get Doug, Celia et al to the coast. They can’t have them living apart for much longer, right?

In other non-drug news, Bubbie has expressed her desire to die. Shane and Andy think that following her wishes is the humane thing to do, and they manage to convince Lenny of this fact. Nancy is nominated to be the one who actually pulls the plug, which she does. The ventilator has a backup, however, so Bubbie keeps on breathing, at which point Nancy tells Shane to get her a pillow. Have these people seriously not considered the fact that a huge dose of morphine might be a nicer way to escort Bubbie to the great beyond? I agree with their idea of Euthanasia, but suffocating to death isn’t exactly the nicest way to go. I guess we’ll find out soon enough if that’s how they kill her, or if they come to their senses.