Rescue Me – This one’s for the ladies

by Scott Tunstall

This episode was definitely of the filler variety. Funny filler, but filler nonetheless. Tommy’s perpetual boozing landed him in Needles’ doghouse, again. Tommy may be a drunken wreck, but he still lives quite a charmed life. His cleaning the firehouse punishment gets him a look at a hot Russian vagina and a quickie with Janet in the utility closet. Tommy rules.

The boys-will-be-boys antics were amusing as usual, in particularly Lou and Franco’s botched attempts to sneak a peek at that hot Russian vagina. Then there was Garrity’s ridiculous carp discussion with Damien. Evidently surviving cancer didn’t make him any smarter. Poor fella. On such a guy-centric show, I often forget about the female characters. The women of Rescue Me deserve some love and I’m here to give it to them.

First up is Sheila. To be kind, she’s bat-shit crazy. Watching her morph from happy-go-lucky to whacked-out of her fuckin’ head in thirty seconds pretty much sums up Sheila. Her list of maladies is impressive: bipolar disorder, severe anxiety, depression, borderline schizophrenia, etc., etc. But she does look damn sexy in that tiger striped robe. Her talents in the bedroom must be legendary for Tommy to stay with her. I think he keeps her around because she’s more screwed up than he is. Whatever the case, Sheila is never boring.

I can’t tell if Janet is playing Tommy or not. This whole sex-only arrangement seems to be working in her favor, but she’s no dummy. An ulterior motive lurks behind her gorgeous smile. She’s flipped the tables on Tommy by using sex as a weapon. Mission accomplished. Tommy wants her back big time. Could it be that she wants the same thing? Maybe she’s testing him to see of his feelings are true. Or maybe she’s getting her vengeance after tolerating his bullshit for years.

Needles’ Russian vagina wife has the goods. Is she really a mail order bride? Not that it matters. I think Needles enjoys torturing the crew by parading her through the firehouse. I doubt we’ve seen the last of her. I hope we haven’t seen the last of her. Ladies who don’t wear panties are special.

Is Carla a dyke? The guys are convinced she is. Franco is on the fence. She’s adamant that she isn’t, I think. I don’t recall her coming out and saying “I’m not a lesbian.” She seems to be skirting the issue. I want to get a look at her friends. Unless she hangs with a mythical clan of lipstick lesbians, it should be obvious if she goes the way of a fuzzbumper after laying eyes on her pals. This is one mystery yet to be cracked.

Without the lovely ladies of Rescue Me, the show would be nothing but a bunch of immature dudes swapping dick and fart jokes. Thanks to these vivacious vixens, we get plenty of pussy jokes too.