So You Think You Can Dance – secrets, Shane Sparks, and nine times the fun.

Nothing says summer to me quite as much as my siblings, my best friend, and me gathering around the television in our living room to watch So You Think You Can Dance. Of course, when I say “watch” I mean “yell loudly at the television, coupled with intermittent screaming,” but this is how we watch things in my house.

This week on So You Think You Can Dance, there was a special amount of screaming. The return of Shane Sparks! Mary looks halfway decent and not too spangly! (And her hair actually looked kind of cute? What strange new world are we living in!?) We disagreed with almost everything the judges said (And spent a lot of time making fun of Lil’ C’s extremely creative and ridiculous use of the English language. Why was he talking about labor? Who knows? Can we please not know?).

Isn’t summer great?

First up for the night is our absolute and utter favorite, Evan and our well-she’s-paired-with-our-favorite, Randi. Their jive was, well, fun. Let’s just get that out there, it was fun. Fun, fun, fun. This week was also my personal favorite week, which is the “what you might not know about my partner” interview time. As if everyone in my house wasn’t infatuated with Evan enough, us ladies learned he could fix our cars because he’s a car fanatic. Swoon! Sigh! If he could also do taxes, that would be really great. Little fiddly numbers and I don’t get along well. My brother is thoroughly enjoying his reign as house heartthrob too, since his name is also Evan. Apparently, it’s really nice to walk into a room of three girls lined up and giggling over you even if a) it isn’t really over you and b) you’re related to or may as well be related to all of them.

Randi apparently calls and talks to her little fluffy dog. Now my dog is little and kind of fluffy (and hypoallergenic. Oh, sweet poodle mixes), and I’m kind of obsessed with her too.  But I still don’t call to talk to her. I mean, granted, she’s not much of a talker unless you try and open the front door instead of the back door (how dare we), but still. Even as someone who’s dog-crazy I say that the limit to crazy is asking after your dog, not putting them on the phone. Way to make all of us look crazy, Randi.

(Does anyone else out there giggle when they hear the name “Randi” because they’re also twelve years old? Anyone? Anyone? Beuller?)

Melissa (the naughty ballerina) and Ade were up next performing a Sonya routine. Now I, personally, cannot stand Sonya, or her routines, or the fact that she seems high like 99% of the time (though not as whackadoo as Mary, because Mary Murphy is her own special brand of whackadoo). Apparently, the judges liked it? Whatever. I was bored by it. Nearly as bored as I was learning their factoids. (Melissa and her sister are married to brothers, Ade has a crazy long “African” name, never mind that Africa is, like, an entire continent and not all names from there sound the same.) Blah. Moving on.

Jason and Caitlin came next with a hip-hop number. Jason’s also a house favorite around these parts (not because we want to marry him, since he’s obviously so very, very gay, but we do want to feed him cookies and drown in his dimples.) And he was a childhood Michael Jackson impersonator! AWWWWW.  Caitlin’s another ‘meh’, but at least I don’t dislike her, so points there. I liked their hip-hop routine. I think Tabitha and Napoleon are far superior choreographers to Shane, but I thought it was a cute routine. And the judges vehemently disagreed. (By the way, if Nigel could actually JUDGE and not spend forever just touting how this show is changing the face of dance as we know it, that would be great.) America agreed with us, but more on that later.

I have to give mad props to Janette and Brandon. For two weeks in a row they’ve gotten the kisses of death — foxtrot and disco — and both weeks they’ve been absolutely wonderful. I didn’t hate disco! I can’t give any higher compliment than that.

Another type of dance that usually sends me right to sleep is the waltz, but I loved Asuka and Vitolio‘s routine. I’m not sure I got the story or like their exploitation of the fact that Vitolio is an orphan, but the waltz was glorious and yeah, it’s a cool story. (And so is the fact that Asuka can blow spit bubbles. I wish someone would teach me.) And while I thought Asuka looked gorgeous in her dress, what did costuming do to Vitolio? The poor boy looked like he was wearing a zoot suit without sleeves. Between that and the drawn in mustache last week I’m starting to feel like maybe he killed someone in costuming’s cat or something.

I was not fond of Kayla and Max‘s number, but I’m also distinctly unfond of them. I don’t know what it is, but they both rub me the wrong way. Kayla reminds me of several girls I didn’t like from high school, I guess, and I also hate her poor-little-rich-girl overhyped story. And Max just feels greasy to me, even though it’s cute that he’s the house dad. The entire routine I found just gratuitously weird. Why was Max wearing bondage gear and Kayla dressed up like Janice from the muppets? And the dancing certainly wasn’t anything spectacular. Again, the judges disagreed with me, but whatever. I was once again validated, so bite me.

A couple I was not validated with was Karla and Johnathan. Okay, so Johnathan is super-cute (and super gay), but he’s just so bland. And Karla I’m decidedly ‘meh’ on. I thought their routine was just awful, too. It just seemed like random (admittedly difficult in some parts, but nothing on other dances) flexing. And set to one of my favorite songs too! Granted, I prefer the non-Frames version of “Falling Slowly” (and in a pinch I’ll take Kris Allen‘s), but still. Shame on you, Karla and Johnathan. And shame on America for not putting them in the bottom 3.

Phillip and Jeanine‘s tango was just painful. Phillip is wildly out of his element and ability level, and poor Jeanine can only do so much. I think, in order to be merciful, I’ll leave it at that. (Also, America, I know Phillip is cute, but you’re not doing him or yourselves any favors by saving him from the bottom 3. That dance deserved it more than others. Seriously. Shape up.)

Kupono and Ashley are probably my favorite as a couple. Or, well, were. I didn’t think the routine was stellar or that they particularly shone, and perhaps they should have ended up in the bottom 3, but I didn’t think it was nearly as bad as the judges made out. It was fun, at least. I thought the choreography was a little boring. In fact, I’m not loving Shane Sparks’ return at all. Please go back to being incoherent on America’s Best Dance Crew and leave the real dancing to other choreographers, okay? Thanks. Bye.

So out of the bottom three girls — Ashley, Kayla, and Caitlin — I was really rooting for Kayla to go home, because I like her the least. I knew she wouldn’t because the judges have such a hard-on for her, but hope never hurts, right? Alas, they sent home Ashley, who was my second-favorite girl, Asuka retaining the favorite position. I’m actually really bleh on the girls this season. Besides Kayla I don’t dislike anyone, but besides Asuka, I don’t really like anyone either. They’re just generally forgettable.

Luckily, I felt more stongly about the three boys — Kupono, Jason, and Max. Since both Kupono and Jason have open invitations over for cookies and spoiling, I was pleased Max went home. Plus, I thought his dancing for his life was kind of weak — just a lot of dancing in place over and over again. And to Footloose? Really? Care to update it a little? That means next week we’ve got a new couple — Kupono and Kayla, which should be interesting, since I love Kupono and, well, Kayla and I don’t get along. What will happen? Will Mary Murphy also admit that in addition to botox, she takes Paula Abdul’s crazy pills? Will Nigel stop jerking off over the thought of his own importance? What terrible things will Cat Deely wear to dim her frightening gorgeousness? Who on earth will guest judge, and can it please be Adam since he’s my favorite person, like, in the history of time? I guess I’ll have to find out the same as everyone else — sitting on my couch and screaming. I’ll see you there.

Clacked by Julia Hass
on Jun 20, 2009 @ 09:00 EST5EDT