One of my favorite things about the Quotation Marks feature is that, when you look at all of these quotes from the week together in one place, it really strikes you how dirty network TV has gotten in the past several years. Whether it’s double entendres about shooting, having sex with the same girl or getting pregnant on a nature hike, primetime television isn’t for the faint of heart. Thank God for that.
Below are some of our favorite quotes from this week, and as always, feel free to post your own in the comments.
Better off Ted
Linda: “Oh my gosh, it was just so crazy. We were all playing in the mud. So I get into the shower, obviously totally nude, and guess who’s in there!”
Guard: “Who? Who?”
Linda: “My two sorority sisters. Oh my god, there were just vaginas everywhere!”
Bones
“King of the funeral!” – Jack Hodgins
Scrubs
“Sean, you and I have had sex with the same women, therefore we’re wiener cousins.” – JD
Castle
Castle: “I shot too soon.”
Beckett: “Well, we could always just cuddle, Castle.”
Harper’s Island
Richard: “How on Earth did you land her?”
Cal: “… I think it’s the accent…. I wake up every day praying that she doesn’t meet a cooler British person.”
Parks and Recreation
“Jerry’s in charge of our pre-teen nature hikes. For a while, it was a teenage nature hike,but then we changed it, because a girl got pregnant.” – Leslie
“The press is a weapon, and you can use it to kill people or eat people.” – Leslie
“The Tucker Park graffiti removal project was a great idea that just ran out of steam. We had removed five cartoon penises, not even ten percent, when we were shut down due to lack of funding. To this day, I am still haunted by those remaining penises. One penis in particular.” – Leslie
30 Rock
“You are wise, Liz Lemon, like a genetically altered shark.” – Tracey
“I am not a monster. I’m just a girl standing in front of a boy she poisoned so that this other boy would go to town on her.” – Jenna
“No, this is not Tracy Jordan. Really? I have not heard of that term before. Do you know how to get to Connecticut?” – Brian Williams
“She’s spirited. Like a show horse.” – Jewelry store clerk about Liz
“No, allergies are real. If I have a strawberry, my throat shuts up faster than a girl in math class.” – Kenneth
“Being in a relationship means overlooking certain flaws. I mean, somewhere, right now, a guy is on a JDate with Monica Lewinsky. Nobody’s perfect.” – Jack
“How are you so quiet when your parades are so loud?” – Liz
The Office
“Ever since I’ve gotten clean, there’s just something about fresh morning air that really makes me sick.” – Ryan
“When a child gets behind the wheel of a car and runs into a tree, you don’t blame the child; he didn’t know any better. You blame the 30-year-old woman who got in the passenger seat and said, ‘drive, kid; I trust you.'” – Pam
“I don’t care if Ryan murdered his entire family; he is like a son to me.” – Michael
Clacked by Kona Gallagher 
on Apr 26, 2009 @ 19:34 EST5EDT
