America’s Next Top Model – “They’re both kind of linebacker-ish”

(Season 11, Episode 13 – “America’s Next Top Model Is…” – Season Finale)

It seems like just yesterday that Space Tyra was introducing us to the newest crop of contestants working toward becoming America’s Next Top Model to pose for a car wash calendar, and now we’re down to three. This season – er, cycle, no; I’m definitely sticking with season – didn’t feature the hot tub sex, beer on weaves, or Tyra flipping the fuck out that made previous seasons so magical. Although we did get a model with a wang, this group of girls was relatively tame.

Even though this may not have been the most exciting season in Top Model history, as I mentioned last week, it’s the first one in which I like everyone in the final three. Okay, that’s not exactly true; I’m not all about McKey, but I hated Marjorie and Elena, so I’m definitely glad she’s in the final three with Analeigh and Samantha, who are my two favorites.

The Cover Girl shoots are always my favorite, mainly because they give the most accurate portrayal of what the winner will actually be doing after the show (well, until the next cycle starts up and she goes back to hostessing at Chili’s). Plus, the models always tend to completely lose their shit when given lines to read, so it’s generally pretty entertaining.

This time around, however, Tyra and company managed to find a relatively coherent and literate group of girls, so no one embarrassed themselves too badly. Unfortunately, Analeigh, whose performance in the first Cover Girl commercial really should have meant that she had this in the bag, completely choked. This girl was born to star in commercials and have small parts on sitcoms, but when it came down to it, the pressure just got to her and she forgot all of her lines.

I understand that of the three, she had the weakest commercial, but I was still surprised that she was the first one to get voted off. I really thought that she and McKey would be in the final two, because nobody takes Samantha seriously.

Although Analeigh came in third, I still think she’s going to be the most successful of the group. After all, she’s already getting work. She guest-starred on last week’s episode of The Big Bang Theory. Granted, Samantha was in the episode, as well, but they gave all of the lines to Analeigh. I fully expect to see more of her on television in the near future.

So the final two ends up as McKey and Samantha. Out of all the contestants, Samantha is the one I’d probably enjoy hanging out with the most, but I’m not sure how modely she is. She can take a great picture, but when she was getting her hair and makeup done for the final runway show, she looked like a girl on the high school volleyball team who got attacked with a makeup gun.

McKey looked more like a stereotypical model, but her walk looked so awkward to me. Not only did it not look graceful, but it didn’t seem to even have much of a purpose; she just looked like she was walking in the mall or something. Samantha’s walk didn’t exactly impress me either, but I thought it was slightly better. The highlight, though, was watching all of the models skitter up that hill. They looked like my dog when she tries to run on our hardwood floors.

In the end, it’s no big surprise: the judges choose McKey as the winner. I understand the decision; out of her and Samantha, McKey definitely seems more like a model. However, she kind of terrifies me. Tyra told her to watch out for her “crazy eyes,” but I don’t know if that’s possible. Her entire persona is one giant crazy eye. But hey, good for her. Despite the fact that she’s kind of linebacker-ish, McKey finally realized her dream of becoming America’s Next Top Model … to star in a corporate training video.

Clacked by Kona Gallagher
on Nov 20, 2008 @ 00:47 EST5EDT