Big fictional douchebags on TV today

ABC

Everyone’s got their own ideas of who’s sexy, who’s ugly, who’s funny and who’s scary on television. One thing that most people can agree on is what makes someone a complete douchebag. Jay already gave a good list of some real TV personalities who deserve a punch in the face. I don’t think I need to go into the qualifications here, but here are a few fictional people who deserve a handy reminder to lighten the fuck up.

Martin Posner (Eli Stone)
Wait, a lawyer as a douchebag? Naw! Posner hasn’t been on Eli Stone for very long, but anytime he graces the television screen, I wish Eli would have one of his visions that reveals Posner will be run over by a streetcar, and he doesn’t warn him. “Taking a walk to the courthouse, Mr. Posner? Uh … enjoy the weather, sir!”

Fox

Dr. Gregory House (House)
Might as well get this out of the way. This list wouldn’t be complete without House being included. In my book, House is the king of TV douchebags in both consistency and ferocity. Nevermind his lack of bedside manner — House’s idea of manners is complimenting patients on having a cool case of seeping genital warts.

ABC

Alex Karev (Grey’s Anatomy)
What is it with these angry doctors? I get House’s issues — Deb helped shed some light on that the other day — but Karev? He’s surrounded by intern ass every day and even shacks up with a few of them in the same house, yet he walks around with a permanent dick face. He must be around too much estrogen.

NBC

Edward Albright (My Own Worst Enemy)
You’re an upstanding member of society, with a good job and fantastic family. Imagine finding out you live a secret, second life as an international spy. Cool, right? Now find out your other self is a complete turd to anyone he meets, and he loves bragging to you with notes that he’s slipping it good to your wife, mother to your kids. Not cool. Besides, Slater has a hard time not looking like a douche.

ABC

Brian Darling (Dirty Sexy Money)
Lawyer douchebags: of course. Doctor douchebags: I’ll buy that. Priest douchebags? That could only mean Brian Darling. The only time Brian’s not scowling or stomping is feet over something is when he’s enjoying seeing others suffer. He took the priesthood just so he could have the chance to tell people they’re going to hell, and they’d believe him.

NBC

Ryan Howard (The Office)
I almost didn’t include Ryan on this list because he’s been taken down a bunch of notches this season, but does that stop this ass from continuing his douchey ways? Only Dwight could give him a run for his money in the “who’s most likely to screw you over at work” office pool, but Ryan would be the one who’d rig it.

FX

Detective Steve Billings (The Shield)
Of all the corruption, the killing, the conspiring and outbursts of crime on The Shield, Billings somehow outshines everyone in how much of a douchebag he can be. Billings doesn’t have a switch that tells him that what he’s doing might be considered wrong. It makes me wonder sometimes why Mackey didn’t take him into the Strike Team. Oh yeah, that’s right — he’s a skinny ol’ pussy.

Fox

Nelson Muntz or Comic Book Guy (The Simpsons)
I couldn’t decide between these two. In my book, they’re douchebags for different reasons. Nelson resorts to physical antics and his grating “ha ha!” to put forth his best. Comic Book Guy, on the other hand, uses the my-shit-don’t-stink approach to douchiness, capping anything that doesn’t suit him with “worst ever” … which is just about everything. Either one of these guys you’d love to bitchslap.


Got any fictional douchebags who’re on current TV shows? Sound off in the comments.

Clacked by Keith McDuffee
on Nov 07, 2008 @ 14:00 EST5EDT