Tonight on the tube: Paris Hilton needs TV to find friends

MTV

8:00p/7:00 Central

• The Laut Family competes for a cruise and tickets to a Hannah Montana concert on the second isntallment of the traveling game show Opportunity Knocks on ABC. MyNetwork TV’s Street Patrol tackles people who scalped Hannah Montana tickets … okay, I made that last one up. It’s just more idiots trying to dodge the law.
• The weight loss competition continues over on NBC’s feel good The Biggest Loser, while the feel-good family drama of ABC Family’s Lincoln Heights continues it’s ten episode run. And the whirlwind romance of Gavin & Stacey on BBC America leads them to the altar tonight in the first “series” finale. “Series” two starts next week.
• Brenda and Kelly continue their limited run on 90210, as Annie and Adrianna get an opportunity to work on an indie film while Debbie prepares to shoot a fashion show on The CW.
• On CBS’s NCIS, a navy lieutenant’s suicide may have larger implications and connections. Also digging up more dirt, only this time on his own team, is House on FOX’s megahit. And the case of the week involves how drugs have distorted an artist’s vision. Where was Dr. House when Dali was painting?

9:00p/8:00 Central

• The third celebrity gets booted on tonight’s elimination episode of ABC’s Dancing With the Stars. And to help pass the time through the reality pauses and … pauses, Jessica Simpson stops by to perform a couple of songs.
• MyNetwork TV follows the captured criminals to Jail, while Sci Fi counters the male-centric demographic by moving ECW opposite.
• ABC Family’s least family-friendly soap, Greek, deals with a conflict over the presidency of the ZBZ. Plain White T’s guest to perform their new single because product placement and background music isn’t enough any more.
• It’s probably a matter of time before the rich girls of The CW’s Privileged are booking major bands on their show. But tonight the episode focuses on the sex lives of the way-too-young-to-be-talking-about-this twins. So sensitive that a PSA about teen pregnancy has to follow the episode.
• CBS has an early hit with The Mentalist because procedurals are their bread-and-butter. I’ve heard better than average reviews of this one so far. Tonight, the team tracks a murderer … that never happens on procedurals!
• I don’t understand the ongoing appeal of Making the Band on MTV, but the third season of the fourth installment follows Danity Kane and Day26 on tour with Donnie Klang as opener. But then I’m old school. I’d rather watch their music videos.
• Tonight’s Fringe on FOX centers around a mysteriously undamaged cylinder in the center of a blast zone. How did it survive unscathed and does it have anything to do with some bizarre happenings around? And can this show maintain it’s respectable ratings now that it’s facing Stars every week?

10:00p/9:00 Central

• Benjamin Bratt’s The Cleaner flies under the radar for another week on A&E. With all the hype The Andromeda Strain got, you’d think someone would have noticed this show by now. I think more people are aware of The Rachel Zoe Project on Bravo tracking the revitalization of the titular character’s business.
• Tracy Morgan is back and still in the business of scaring the crap out of unsuspecting victims on Sci Fi’s hidden camera show Scare Tactics, which returns tonight with back-to-back installments. Or catch BET’s first original sitcom as Somebodies’ Scottie deals with “Anger Management.”
• ABC jumps on the weight-loss bandwagon and follows NBC’s Loser with their own Half Their Size: The People Magazine Weight Loss Challenge, which is probably more a commercial for People Magazine than a program. The ultimate in product placement!
• Crime aficionados have a real conflict tonight, deciding whether they’d rather watch CBS’s Without a Trace team trying to find a missing young executive or the pedophilia-centric Law & Order: Special Victims Unit on NBC. Or they can skip the shows about good guys and watch the shit slowly hitting the fan as things keep spiraling out of control for the boys on FX’s The Shield.
• Me, I’m still way too excited about VH1 working this week to reveal the 100 Greatest Hip Hop Songs. Tonight’s second installment faces some tough competition, though, as TV whore Paris Hilton uses the power of reality competition to find her a new best friend on MTV’s Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. I’m not sure if it’s sadder that Paris is looking for a friend this way or that MTV is giving her a spotlight in which to continue her celebrity charade.

11:00p/10:00 Central

• The season finale of Discovery Channels’ Into the Unknown with Josh Bernstein as he undertakes “The Search for Life.” Somebody should tell him it’s on Monday nights on NBC.

Clacked by Jason Hughes
on Sep 30, 2008 @ 13:00 EST5EDT