Magical Matzah Rolls, the savior of Passover

Passover sucks.

I’m never sure how many people are familiar with Judaism in the world outside of my little urban-suburban East Coast super-Jewish bubble, but to recap, Passover is a week-long festival. During Passover Jews celebrate being freed as slaves from Egypt (though then we went and wandered in the gosh-darn desert for forty years, so I’m not sure it was much of an upgrade).

It’s celebrated by having a seder which is a big, traditional meal that, in a truly Jewish fashion, involves you sitting around and talking about how much your ancestors suffered so you could sit here and eat brisket. That’s not why it sucks. I like that part. I can listen to some stories of suffering if it means I get potato kugel at the end of it. No, the part that sucks is that on Passover, you cannot eat anything that is leavened, or has risen at all. Basically, does it have flour in it? You’re probably not allowed to have it. And this means that every food that has ever made you happy is pretty much cut from your diet for a week. Bread? No. Pasta? Nope. Rice? It depends on where you come from, but most Jews say nuh-uh. No cereal. No crackers. No chips (except potato chips). No pizza. Nothing with a breaded crust. No baked goods. Pretty much all desserts are gonzo.

Fear not, though, because Jews have a (really, really terrible) solution known as matzah. It’s basically a giant, crumbly cracker that’s used in various states of being ground up, and it pretty much instantly dries out everything, including your mouth. Also, if you eat too much of it, it gives you constipation something fierce.

This holiday has always seemed a bit weird to me. It’s never seemed very Jewish to me to limit one’s eating capabilities. The only reasoning I can possibly come up with is that if there’s one thing Jews like more than eating, it’s complaining about how hard we’ve got it, and this holiday ensures that no matter how cushy your life is, once a year, you and the rest of your people will be sitting on the toilet pissed off, or with your nose pressed against a bakery window, or staring at food blogs showing off baked Easter goods like a giant, cosmic middle finger.  At least once a year you will on some level understand the pain and suffering of those less fortunate than you, because you are deeply sympathetic to the feeling of literally being willing to kill someone for some freaking bread.

Every family, though, has various solutions to dealing with this. There are certain desserts every family has and certain recipes (usually involving lots of potatoes and cream or chocolate to mask the taste of matzah) that the use to get them through the week. My mother, for example, whose birthday often falls during Passover, has a truly decadent chocolate nut cake with the world’s best, fudgiest frosting. Since, sadly however, you can’t sit around eating chocolate-covered raisins the entire week (woe), my personal favorite family recipe is one my mother got from a friend about eleventy bajillion years ago that makes what we call Passover Rolls. And these suckers are amazing. They’re not really bread, but they’re so much like bread that by eating them you almost feel like maybe, just maybe, you’re not going to die constipated, bitter, and without good food in your stomach.  They take about twenty minutes and even if you’re not keeping kosher for Passover, I suggest you try them. They’re delicious.

Magical Matzah Rolls
(Makes eight medium-sized rolls)

1 cup matzah meal
2/3 cup water
1/3 cup oil or melted butter
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. cinnamon
1 tbs. sugar
3 eggs

1. Boil together water, oil, sugar, salt, and cinnamon.
2. When the mixture comes to a boil, immediately take off the flame and mix in the matzah meal. You should mix until your dough is firm and comes away from the sides of your pot, then let it cool for a few minutes.
3. Add and mix in eggs to your dough one at a time — the mixture should be very loose. If it’s too loose and liquid, refrigerate the dough until it’s solidified to a more ideal texture.
4. Heat oven to 400°.  Either grease a cookie sheet or line it with parchment paper. Scoop out about a tablespoon of your dough and place them on the sheet about two inches apart from each other.
5. Put in oven and let bake for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes, turn the oven down to 300° and let the rolls cook for five to ten more minutes, or until they’re brown. Rolls keep well, but are best when they’re fresh.

Clacked by Julia Hass
on Apr 02, 2010 @ 15:38 EST5EDT