A few years ago I performed a little social experiment that didn’t involve any virtual farms or cafés. I asked a number of people — fine, upstanding citizens — who ate white bread with their dinner and went to church every Sunday what they took from their children’s trick-or-treat bags on Halloween night. After a bunch of hemming, hawing, and utter denials of violating the Eighth Commandment, they confessed what they eventually pilfered from their sweet, apple-cheeked children. With that information in hand, I compiled the Good Halloween Candy Pyramid.
Four years have passed since that world-shattering article and people (all right, my family) have been clamoring for an update. With Halloween right around the corner, I thought it would be a good idea to revisit the Pyramid to see if anything had changed. The results weren’t that surprising.
Speaking to members of the CliqueClack staff I found a number of them who stole, or had been robbed of, some of the top, brand-named candies. For instance, CliqueClack founder Keith McDuffee said that he will often swipe peanut M&Ms and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups from his son’s bag due to his allergies. He added that he would have taken those anyway. Bob Degon said simply “My Dad always stole the Snickers.” On the other hand, writer Jeff Love never took candy from his kids. Instead, he would “scare the trick or treaters away so there was plenty left over for me to eat.” Devious!
This is just a small sampling of a global conspiracy. And, it can be backed up by the prices and quantities of the bags of candy sold at your local supermarket. From this information, the Good Halloween Candy Pyramid was able to be constructed.
The top tier of the Pyramid is, as it was in 2005, products made by Hershey or M&M/Mars (except for possibly Hershey’s Whoppers, Jolly Ranchers, and Good & Plenty — more on that later). Obtaining these candies, particularly the full-size bars, is a grand achievement for most trick-or-treaters. Unfortunately, it’s also the most expensive candy for a household to purchase. A “Fun Size Big Bag” of these candies, which is neither fun nor big, can go for as high as $7.00 at your local supermarket. This means doling out over twenty bucks if you want to fill up a large pumpkin bowl for the hungry hordes banging at your door.
The next tier on the Pyramid would be any chocolate candy from the Nestle brand (this does not include Wonka brands, which are mentioned below). Normally, when all of the M&M’s and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are gone, the Nestle Crunch, 100 Grand, and Butterfinger bars are the next to be eliminated from the Halloween stash (add KitKat, Smarties, and Aero bars if you live in Canada). While on second tier below Hershey and M&M/Mars, they are comparable in quality and cost. Though, it can be a bit cheaper if you buy the mix bag that features chocolate-covered candies like Raisinets and Goobers.
The third tier of the Good Halloween Candy Pyramid is reserved for chocolate candy existing in something other than bar format. This includes the previously mentioned Raisinets and Goobers, most of the Tootsie family (Rolls, Pops and Juniors) as well as Junior Mints and Whoppers. Yes, Whoppers are made by Hershey, but they aren’t as popular among the kids (or their parents) as even Mounds or Almond Joy. Because of their lack of popularity, as well as lack of product in each “Fun Size” package, a large bag of Whoppers and Milk Duds normally costs less than an average bag of Hershey bars.
Same thing can be said for a bag of Tootsie products. In fact, you can pick up a five-pound bag of Tootsie candies can be had for the same price of a two pound bag of Milky Way snack bars. While you would rather be the darling of Wisteria Lane by handing out the Milky Ways, passing out Tootsie Pops is more economical and lasts longer.
The land of chocolate is left behind at the fourth tier for the world of hard candies, which can stretch your Halloween budget even further. Items at this level consist of most of the Wonka line of candy (Nerds, SweetTarts, Bottlecaps, Gobbstoppers), Smarties, the ‘…Heads’ family of candies (Lemonheads, Grapeheads), Jolly Ranchers, anything from the LifeSavers brand, and movie theater candy like Good & Plenty, Boston Baked Beans, Mike & Ikes, and Hot Tamales. Most of these items can be purchased in bags of 100 to 300 pieces for around three dollars. While not full of chocolaty goodness, many of these candies are making a nostalgic comeback and do interest both parents and kids alike.
The final tier — Dum Dum Pops; the tiny little lollipops that every bank and barbershop carries by the truckload. These are usually found in a large quantity bag for a steal. Also lump in any other generic lollipops that a child is given, as well as bubble gum, candy corn, pixie sticks, and all other candy with unrecognizable names. Like Dum Dum Pops, these candies come in large quantities for a small amount of money. You’ll be able to feed all of those sugar-craving little ones banging on your doorbell, but they won’t be happy with what they get. Most likely, that candy will be put into their parents’ Halloween bowls for next year.
With the economy in the toilet, what is one to do in order to satisfy the hordes of monsters heading up your driveway? As I recommended back in 2005, mix bargains with bourgeoisie sensibility. Get that five-pound bag of Smarties for $3 for the trick-or-treaters. Then spend another $3 on the 10 ounce bag of Milky Ways for your family. Trust me, your kids will thank you.
Clacked by Richard Keller 
on Oct 30, 2009 @ 13:06 EST5EDT
