To the owners of restaurants, diners, cafes, bistros, and grease trucks…Hi! Let’s talk about menu items, shall we?
Over the past weekend I partook in one of your eating establishments. I won’t mention the name in order for you to avoid undo embarrassment. Let’s just say that it was a diner in a state on the East Coast of the U.S. that normally isn’t known for its diners. While perusing the menu board for the day’s specials, I came upon the list of vegetables that were being served. Among those listed were Squash, Buttered Corn, California Blend, and…macaroni & cheese?
Of course, I was a bit mystified about this since I normally don’t see mac & cheese in the produce aisle of my local supermarket. Eventually, I chalked it up to confusion on whoever wrote up the specials. I mean, macaroni is normally made with some form of grain, and grains are grown in the ground like many vegetables. And cheese…well, cheese is made with milk, and that comes from cows. Cows walk on the grass, which is on the ground, which is where most vegetables are grown.
So, like I said, there could’ve been some confusion. That is, if the confused person was living in a parallel universe where macaroni & cheese was actually a vegetable! Come on, guys! Who are you trying to fool by putting mac & cheese on the menu as a vegetable? It’s like ketchup being considered a vegetable in school cafeterias during the 1980s, or Paris Hilton being considered an actress, or Rush Limbaugh being considered the voice of the Republican Party. In other words, it’s not believable.
Oh, you could chalk it up to laziness. But that would make the error even worse since the laziness would be connected with blatant ignorance. You start forgetting those things and, the next thing you know, you’re forgetting table orders, charging customers the wrong amount, and not flushing after you do a number two. Soon enough, the world is in chaos, you’re mixing meat with milk, and people are bringing assault rifles to health care town halls (oh, wait, they’re doing the last thing now).
There was an easy way to avoid this pretty visual error: change the heading from ‘Vegetables’ to ‘Sides’. Really, all it would have taken was a dry eraser, a dry marker, and someone who knew how to spell ‘Sides’ to make this change. Ten seconds at the most. Then, you wouldn’t have had someone like me writing this post up for everyone in the Interweb to see.
Look, I’m just an average citizen (albeit, a handsome one with incredible writing skills) who wants to make sure the world is safe from the simplest, idiotic action. That’s why I’m giving you fair warning about mislabeling your specials. Take a few minutes to proofread your stuff before posting it out to your patrons. And, don’t even think of putting sweetbreads on the dessert menu. If I see that, then I’m coming to get you!
Clacked by Richard Keller 
on Aug 21, 2009 @ 12:00 EST5EDT
