Last week, before my baby decided to snack on dog food, I was having a difficult time coming up with inspiration for my Hold the Meat column. So I took it to our esteemed writers and asked for ideas. Our resident redneck, Jeff, played to my love of zombies and offered this up:
The Zombie Apocalypse is in full swing. You are stuck at home waiting for them to leave, and I drop by your place for dinner unannounced. What will you make to feed a very hungry meat eater? Remember I need to keep my strength up so I can go on my way and fight zombies as I go.
If I were a good hostess, I would just suck it up and give the poor guy a steak. However, I’m a jerk. So what I would do instead would be to choose a vegetarian dish that is so good, even an avowed meat eater like himself would feel fully sated and able to face the zombies head-on.
My first instinct in a situation like this would be to serve chili. Now, I wouldn’t be stupid enough to serve Glark’s famous chili, because even I know that chili that involves corn and baby carrots isn’t quite going to cut it. My second impulse would be to do tacos, but I feel like there are too many accouterments to truly be appropriate for the situation. If you’re in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, you don’t have time to be messing with lettuce, and onions, and half a different kinds of hot sauce. So that is when I figured out the perfect dish: Vegetarian Beef Stroganoff.
Luke introduced me to this, and it’s really not anything fancy. You just take your favorite beef stroganoff recipe (I believe we use the Betty Crocker one at home) and instead of using a pound of ground beef or steak, use the Morningstar Farms Steak Strips. If you can’t find those, then use the crumbles, but in the event of an apocalypse, zombie or otherwise, you should go with the good stuff.
Veggie beef stroganoff is filling and will give you the energy you need to keep those bastards from feasting on your brains. Plus, the meat-eaters I know who have tried it have all loved it. so while Jeff may be offended at the idea of vegetarian stroganoff on principle, in action, I think he’d actually enjoy it. Plus, having less meat in your system may make you less attractive to zombies. Maybe.
Clacked by Kona Gallagher 
on Aug 04, 2009 @ 16:19 EST5EDT
Kona that stroganogh sounds like it would be worth fighting a few zombies to try. When the zombies attack. I will stop by for sure. Better keep some of the good stuff on hand. I think the apocalypse is near.