What NOT to give your father on Father’s Day – Food Rant

Since my sister has already thought up a great Father’s Day gift for us both (thanks kiddo!), I wondered if I could find some really terrible things that I would never want to give my Dad for Father’s Day. And while it may not be shocking to anyone who has watched any late-night TV in the last, well, ever, that there are a lot of stupid contraptions out there, the mind boggles at the sheer variety of nonsense out there for your late-night spending pleasure. Honestly, who buys this crap? And where the heck do they put it?

For example: Is it really so complicated to cook hot dogs that one needs a specialized rotary grill to cook them? Deion Sanders thinks so.

If your dad doesn’t like football, or doesn’t have a kitchen the size of a football field, maybe he’d prefer a hot dog toaster. Nothing says “I love you, Pa!” like “Delicious Hot dogs In Minutes!” Toasted hot dogs? Has the world really come to this? Whatever happened to a pan on the stove? Or a grill? Or forgoing hot dogs all together for sausage, which is much tastier and probably has fewer pigs’ ears in it?

Speaking of grills, this Rocket Grill has got to be the saddest excuse for a grill I have ever seen. At least the George Foreman grill leaves grill marks. The Rocket Grill appears to be ginormous, and you’ll need to buy special parchment bags, and, okay, fine, the Amazon reviewers kind of love the thing, but that doesn’t sound like grilling to me! I don’t know about you, but I like to think about my dad grilling outside. With his big grill or smoker. And a big slab of pork ribs. Or heck, even some zucchini and portobella mushrooms. Not with a plastic thing and parchment paper in the house.

Okay, forget the cooking contraptions. Maybe something for serving food instead? How about the Snac Daddy Food Tray? I don’t know about you, but whenever I serve buffalo wings, I’m always deeply concerned about where to put the bones. A bowl by the tray of wings just never worked for me. I think I should make my guests pick up the entire tray of wings with one hand so they can discard their bones underneath the remaining wings instead. No unsightly mess! Until someone tips the whole darned tray over entirely, that is….

I could go on forever and still not catalogue even a tiny fraction of the sheer nonsense that is the specialty food gadget industry. Besides, isn’t that what Gadget Clack is for? So, take it from me, if you want to buy your Dad something totally unsuitable that he’ll never use, stick with an ugly tie. At least that won’t take up precious cabinet space!

Happy Father’s Day, Daddies of the world! Thanks for all you do!