Hold the Meat – Quorn is like porn (of the food variety)

Having been a vegetarian for nearly thirty years, very little in the field of meat-replacement technology surprises me. I grew up on Morningstar Farms, so that’s my go-to company for veggie burgers, veggie hot dogs, and the like. Having never had a hamburger or a sausage patty or whatever, whether or not what I’m eating tastes like meat doesn’t factor into whether or not I like it. I just need it to taste good and deliver protein to me in an efficient manner. However, even I know that the bacon, with its drawn on fat is completely un-baconlike and ridiculous (but it’s oh, so delicious).

The problem with Morningstar Farms … and Boca, and Gardenburger, is that they all make basically the same thing. You’ve got your veggie burgers, hot dogs, breakfast sausage, and the occasional steak strip, or whatever. It’s all “red meat” though, and none of the major brands that are easily available in most grocery stores make a decent chicken product. Yes, Boca and Morningstar both have chick patties, but they taste like butt.

That’s when I discovered Quorn.

Okay, well technically, my dad discovered it. It used to only be available at our local health food store at the time, so we had it a few times and I forgot about it. Lately though, we’ve been able to get it at the grocery store, so I’ve fallen in love all over again.

Although they do make veggie turkey and the like, Quorn makes mostly chicken products. Their naked chik’n cutlets are great by themselves but are even better in recipes that call for chicken, like pot pie or gumbo. Their chik’n nuggets make a great snack as well. All of this is well and good, but doesn’t really merit a post. For that, I would like to direct your attention to the holy grail of meat-free dinners: the Gruyere chik’n cutlet.

Oh my God, you guys. This is hands down the greatest thing I have ever eaten out of a freezer. It’s a breaded cutlet with a layer of Gruyere cheese between the cutlet and the breading. I doubt it tastes anything like chicken, but it is absolutely transcendent.

I just moved, and our stove was broken for the first month and a half, so I ate most of my meals from the microwave. Usually I hate veggie burgers and the like out of the microwave, because they end up tasting like feet. The Gruyere cutlet though, tasted like angel tears on rainbows. Well, actually that sounds kind of gross, but dude: this is super good.

What also separates Quorn products from the other meat replacements is that it’s not made with soy. Instead, Quorn’s main ingredient is a distilled version of the joy you get from jumping into a swimming pool on a hot summer’s day — by which I mean, mycoprotein.

Mycoprotein sounds completely made up, but the Quorn website describes it as, “a nutritious member of the fungi family, as are mushrooms, truffles, and morels. The fungus used in all Quorn products is Fusarium Venenatum.” It’s low in calories, has zero cholesterol, and contains all nine essential amino acids — you know, if that’s the sort of thing you’re into.

For me, it just tastes delightful and makes me happy when it goes down my food hole. Whether you’re a vegetarian who’s stuck in a rut or even a meat eater looking for healthier alternatives to a McChicken sandwich, I cannot praise Quorn enough. I wouldn’t say it’s changed my life, but it’s certainly changed my dinners.

Clacked by Kona Gallagher
on Apr 07, 2009 @ 17:22 EST5EDT